Philippians 1:19 "For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, 20 according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. 21 For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. 22 But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell. 23 For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. 24 Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you. 25 And being confident of this, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy of faith, 26 that your rejoicing for me may be more abundant in Jesus Christ by my coming to you again."
Is Paul the mighty apostle and evangelist suicidal?
I absolutely love this passage of Scripture. It reveals truth most of us can't comprehend. Most of us are happy about the thought of having heaven to look forward to at the end yet we're in no hurry to rush to the end. We like life. We see death as an inevitable enemy and heaven as a hope that softens the lethal blow of mortality. Too often our thoughts of heaven center in the where and the what as if we're going on an eternal vacation to a place we've never been and we nervously wonder if it will satisfy. Cheesy images of harp playing and floating on clouds have warped our picture. Fanciful dreams of mansions and opulence appeal to our lustful greedy nature. The truth is the Bible for all that it says in its 66 books and letters and collections of poetry spanning thousands of years of history says little about the place.

Why I love this passage is twofold: First it speaks to how real Paul’s relationship with Jesus was. He wasn't a religionist clinging to theories as an insurance policy for the afterlife. Paul knew Jesus personally and his "religion" was simply sharing with the world the reality of Who his Saviour was.
When my wife and I got married it was at Christmas time and was supposed to be followed by beginning life and ministry together on January 1. However a mix up in courses meant a return to school for a final semester for me while she finished school 6000 km away. That's right. We spent the first 4 months as newlyweds 6000 km apart. Do you think I looked forward to that semester being over? Do you think I wanted to be somewhere other than where I was? And do you think that desire had anything to do with trying to escape my current physical location or to get to another physical location? I didn't want to go to a place. I wanted to go to a person. I would have wanted to be where she was wherever that was. Had she been with me I would have been content to stay where I was.

It wasn't that many years before that Jesus Himself faced a similar situation. Facing the cross as He prayed in Gethsemane Jesus had the choice between staying for our sake or fleeing for His own sake - stay in the trenches or flee the battlefield. He chose us and Paul demonstrates he is a true follower by making the same choice.
How about you? What is your life about? Are you here to get or to give? Are you pouring your life into others for His sake or striving to get more here while hoping for gold and palaces in the life beyond.
Heaven is not a destination or an insurance policy. Heaven is the continuing of our walk with Him that begins here in the trenches of the cosmic war that will end in eternal peace.
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