Marriage is a unique relationship. The sexual union between a
husband and wife is the only tangible difference between it and all other human
relationships. God describes this unique relationship as "one flesh"
and the impact it has runs much deeper than we yet understand. We can see the
devastating results all around us of breaking the sacredness of our sexuality
but the science behind it remains a mystery.
In the only document God ever wrote with His own finger He
highlights both the oneness and equality of marriage. In describing the Sabbath
He tells us we are not to work on that special day. He writes as addressing the
heads of the family unit. He said "Neither you, nor your son, nor your
daughter, nor your man servant, nor your maid servant" etc... Each gender
is specifically addressed because God knows us. He knew if He said only son and
male servant, we would have made the woman do all the work. However in a
patriarchal society dominated by men God did not say "Neither you nor your
wife, nor your son..." In fact when He wrote "Neither you, nor your
son..." the 'you' is singular. God, in the very heart of the only document
He ever wrote for us addresses husbands and wives as "you" in the
singular - one flesh.
Paul carries that truth right into the bedroom in fully equal
terms. It would have been nothing for him to say that a woman's body belongs to
her husband in that culture. However to flip it around and say the same applies
the other way was radical indeed. The principles run deep though. Marriage is
the complete sacrifice of self to another. It is a human experience designed to
teach us what God wants with us. Our time, our decisions, our money etc... none
of it is ours from the moment we pledge our lives to another. Their needs and
desires must come before our own and vice versa. In no other human relationship
is there the potential for such oneness, such vulnerability, such openness.
When either partner withholds anything, sexually or otherwise it creates walls
and a sense of betrayal. The relationship is wounded and a continual pattern of
betrayal will eventually kill the oneness.
There are two great marriage killers. One is entering the
relationship with a selfish motive, seeking someone to meet your own needs. The
other and much more significant one is entering the marriage having already
given yourself to others beforehand.
Whether Paul fully realized it or not he was advocating
celibacy for the people in Corinth and speaking of marriage in terms of containing
lust because they were sexually broken. Sex for them was a pursuit of
self-gratification rather than the sacred bonding and mutual giving it was
meant to be. They needed healing and the best way was celibacy. The next best
way was a monogamous relationship based on giving rather than taking.
We'll continue tomorrow...
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