2:7 so that, on
the contrary, you ought rather to forgive and comfort him, lest
perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow. 8 Therefore
I urge you to reaffirm your love to him. 9 For to this end
I also wrote, that I might put you to the test, whether you are obedient in all
things. 10 Now whom you forgive anything, I also forgive. For if
indeed I have forgiven anything, I have forgiven that one for your sakes
in the presence of Christ, 11 lest Satan should take advantage of us;
for we are not ignorant of his devices.
Perhaps of everything we have discussed on the subject of
forgiveness, this is the most important. Paul's concern for the church in
Corinth was that they couldn't seem to stop the punishment phase. Like many of
us they likely feared that if they "let it go", they would be saying
the man never did anything wrong or that it wasn't a big deal, or would be opening
themselves up to have him repeat whatever he had done.
Paul had a very different concern. His concern was that the
man would never recover and would suffer under the cloud of guilt and shame
forever until he gave in to hopelessness. Paul's concern was based on the fact
the man was truly sorry. Paul said he had sorrow, sorrow that could potentially
consume and destroy him. Think about Peter. What would his future have been
after the cross if Jesus didn't release him from the guilt and shame of his
denial?
However, and this is a huge however, what about cases where
there is no sorrow? What about cases like the man in Jesus' story who gladly
received forgiveness but than coldly threw another man in debtors prison? How
do we relate to such a person?
I have one word - boundaries. If you lend to someone who
promised to repay but doesn't, don't ever lend to them again. Forgive them but
maintain that boundary. When Adam and Eve sinned God pursued them. He
initiated the healing process. He promised a solution, but He also erected a
boundary.
When Jesus was here He had boundaries. It came to the point
where he stopped going to Jerusalem because they were so resistant against Him.
Enabling offenders to offend by blindly putting ourselves in the position to
have them reoffend is not something God ever called us to. It is not even
love.
When God describes heaven to us in His Word it is described
using boundaries. It has walls. It has gates. He said "Nothing that
defiles will enter there". People who offend but feel no sorrow need to be
left alone to feel the effects of their choices. God also said "Those I
love I rebuke and correct."
The obvious question is "Where is the forgiveness in
that? I thought we were always to forgive, even 70 x 7 times." Yes we are.
Even when they aren't sorry we forgive but we don't position ourselves to help
them reoffend. The same Paul who said to comfort this man who had sinned told
them in the last letter to have nothing to do with the man who took his
father's wife. That's boundary language.
Here's the bridge. All correction and punishment that is
Godly is motivated by love. It has restoration in view. It is seeking the best
possible outcome. If someone hurts me but is sorry (like Peter when he denied
Jesus) I need to take the first step and initiate the healing process by
forgiving them and treating them as if they never sinned. If someone hurts me
and is not sorry, I need to forgive them within myself but erect a boundary.
That means within myself I long for their restoration, I pray for them, I even
find ways to help them succeed in positive directions but never do I compromise
the boundary until it is clear they are feeling sorrow for what happened. Until
then it is unsafe and unloving to treat them as if what they did was ok or no big
deal.
Ask God for wisdom. Love must always be our motivator.
Healing and restoration must ever be our goal. The path to get there will vary
depending on them.
I hope that makes sense. I welcome your feedback.
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